RESPECTING THE NEW FAMILY UNIT
As a parent, do you find it easy to ask others for help and to get the kind of help you really need? It is important for new parents to know that most loved ones are on their side--their spouse, their parents, in-laws, friends and nannies--even though it may not feel like it sometimes. Being explicit about your expectations and needs can help to avoid conflict with those who are helping care for/spend time with your baby.
Here are some helpful tips to help with this:
Make a schedule including nap/sleep times, eating times, etc. and put the schedule where everyone can see it.
Think about what issues are very important to you and let the other stuff go—certainly no one is going to take care of your baby exactly how you do, but be clear about the things you care about (e.g. napping) and don’t sweat the small stuff (e.g. buttoning the onesie over pants, etc.)
If your in-laws or parents are helping with the baby, take advantage and go out and run some errands and take care of yourself. This helps you relax and not nitpick.
Talk to your partner ahead of time so that if a conflict arises with his/her parents, s/he is willing to talk to them about how you as a family have decided to do things.
For many of us, we are used to doing things to appease our parents/in-laws, etc. But now you have a little baby to think about. So, for example, maybe your parents want to have a family dinner at 8PM and that just doesn’t work for you. It’s ok to be clear about what you need to be happy. No one knows better than you, and no one else is going to have to deal with the consequences (hullo overtired bebe).
For those of us who are more direct, this is easier. For others who don’t like conflict, it’s a good idea to get the message across somehow before things boil over and it gets ugly. Consider writing a letter, asking your partner to help explain to them, etc. There is a decent amount of judging that goes on (“Why is so and so being so uptight about sticking to a schedule, etc.), but try to be confident in your judgment and stick to your guns. You can also blame your choices on your pediatrician or on your Wevolve LA leader. We are here for you!