DEVELOPING SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR
Understanding your toddler's behavior can sometimes be confusing and stressful, particularly if you are uncertain about what to expect at this developmental level. Toddlers will demonstrate various physical, emotional, social, and even strange behaviors as they grow. Understanding what to look for and how to help your toddler grow can ease some parental anxiety and help you enjoy the quick-moving toddler years.
Due to growing emotional intelligence, toddlers are beginning to demonstrate budding independence from their parents. While still egocentric, toddlers can start empathizing with other toddlers and understanding how to respond to sadness or anger. We can help our children expand on their growing emotional intelligence by explaining emotions, showing their faces emotional expressions, or reading books that demonstrate emotional growth and expression.
HERE ARE SOME TECHNIQUES!
1. Modeling appropriate behavior is the foundation of everything your child learns.
You are your child's first and most important role model. If you want your child to say "please" and "thank you," you should be doing it with everyone you encounter and with your child as well! Please and thank you should not be empty words. They should mean something, so say it with feeling.
a. Allow your child to express their appreciation genuinely. Don't prompt or put your child on the spot by saying, "what do we say?" If we model the behavior, they will learn it naturally. Does anybody do this?
b. Correct anti-social behavior with a gentle but firm approach. Tell your toddler which behavior is not ok and why and give them alternatives: we don't bite other people, but you can chew on this. Also, if the spitting, biting, or hitting is related to incidents where they got frustrated, etc., remember to name that emotion. Try to figure out the root cause; there may be a fear or frustration related to the anti-social behavior. If you can find it out, then you can talk about it.
2. Make your child feel important.
Children love it when they can contribute to the family. So start introducing some simple chores or things they can do to play an essential part in helping the household. Doing this will make them feel important, and they'll take pride in helping out.
If you give your child lots of practice doing a chore, they will get better at it and keep trying harder. Safe chores help children feel responsible, build their self-esteem and help you out too.
3. Make playdates and be part of a playgroup.
Give your child a chance to learn cooperative play!
4. Interacting with all ages – even adults!
Be bold in bringing your child to an early dinner with friends. I like to take my children out to dinner once a week. However, recognize that you may have to leave if they act up. A tip is to order right when you sit down (maybe check out the menu ahead of time). There is no need to shy away from this idea as it allows them to become adjusted to different people of different ages.
5. When you shop or are running errands with a toddler, be sure she is well-rested and well-fed, and be ready with a nutritious snack.
Be prepared to have it take twice as long. Have fun and a short grocery list. If you're in a hurry, distracted, or stressed, shop without a baby. Be prepared to "abandon the cart" if things go south.
6. Keep promises.
Stick to agreements. When you follow through on your promises, good or bad, your child learns to trust and respect you. So when you promise to go for a walk after she picks up her toys, ensure you have your walking shoes handy. When you say, you will leave the library if she doesn't stop running around, be prepared to go straight away—no need to make a fuss about it – the more matter of fact, the better. Creating a consistent and predictable environment helps your child feel more secure.
7. Playing games such as kicking or rolling a ball back and forth.
These kinds of games help children learn about taking turns and assigning turns since now is good, especially if you are thinking about having a second child.
8. Naming their feelings - 'I hear you.'
Active listening is another tool for helping young children cope with their emotions. They tend to get frustrated, mainly if they can't express themselves well enough verbally. When you repeat back to them what you think they might be feeling, it helps to relieve some of their tension. It also makes them feel respected and comforted. It can diffuse many potential temper tantrums.
9. Encouraging imagination through imaginative play.
Assign roles, and use dolls or costumes. Talk about this with your caregiver.
10. Giving them choices empowers them.
When a child knows that their opinions and desires matter, they develop into people with agency and confidence.
11. Rewarding positive behavior – don't always focus on the negative.
Verbal and physical positive reinforcement. Say you are proud and hug your child. Saying phrases such as, "Wow, you are playing so nicely. I like how you keep all the blocks on the table" works better than waiting for the blocks to come crashing to the floor before you take notice and bark, "Hey, stop that." This positive feedback is sometimes described as 'descriptive praise.
11. Try to say six positive comments (praise and encouragement) for every negative statement (criticisms and reprimands).
The 6-1 ratio keeps things in balance. Remember that children who choose between no attention or negative attention will seek out negative attention.
12. Keep it simple and positive.
If you give clear instructions in simple terms, your child will know what is expected of him. (“Please hold my hand when we cross the road.”) Positively stating things gets their heads thinking in the right direction. For example, 'Please shut the gate' is better than "Don't leave the gate open."
13. Show your child how you feel.
Tell him honestly how his behavior affects you. This will help him see their feelings in yours, like a mirror; this is called empathy. By the age of three, children can show genuine empathy. So you might say, "I'm getting upset because there is so much noise I can't talk on the phone." Starting the sentence with 'I' gives your child a chance to see things from your perspective.