POSITIVE PARENTING

1. Daily one-on-one time.

The single best thing you can do to improve your children’s behavior is spend one-on-one time with them daily, giving them the emotional interaction and positive attention they need.

When they don’t receive that positive spotlight, they will seek your attention in negative ways, and methods of discipline won’t work. Aim for 10-15 minutes a day per child and you’ll see considerable improvement almost immediately.

2. Help your kids solve problems.

When a parent steps into the middle of a sibling disagreement to determine who’s in the wrong and assign punishments, it actually makes things worse as kids will see a winner and a loser and a need to escalate their sibling rivalry. Encourage your kids to find a resolution to their own problems, which will help them with conflict resolution as they grow older. 

In situations where you have to get involved, make sure you don’t pick sides, but instead ask questions that will guide them towards a solution that all parties can feel good about.

3. Sleep seriously.

Think about how you feel when you’re exhausted; kids feel the same way, and most children get much less sleep than their growing bodies require.

Teenagers need even more sleep than younger children. Consult your family physician about how many hours of sleep kids need by age range. If your child tends to have a sleep deficit, move bedtime by 10 minutes every few nights and see if it helps their behavior. When a child is well-rested they are more likely to be well-behaved and will tend to function better throughout the day, especially during school.

4. Avoid saying no.

Kids bombard us with questions every single day, and more often than not our answer is “no.” and kids resent it.

Take time to discover opportunities to say “yes” when possible. If your child asks to go swimming in the middle of a busy weekday, try saying, “Going to the pool sounds fun! Maybe we should go tomorrow after school or on Saturday.”

In reality there will always be things that will require a big “no,” but try to redirect them to a more positive outcome.

5. Routines are important.

Kids thrive within a routine, so schedule clearly defined routines for times of the day that are the most challenging for them. Examples are mornings, after school, mealtimes and bedtimes.

Ask your kids to assist you in deciding how to set their routine. Should we brush our teeth or get dressed first? In what ways can they assist you in getting prepared for dinner?

For younger children, use pictures or words to write out the order of their routine and let them decorate it however they prefer, then put it somewhere where they’ll see it every day. Then be sure to stick to it!

6. Don’t ignore sources of misbehavior.

Misbehavior is always a symptom of some deeper issue, and when we find out what causes it, we can use the proper strategies to correct it.

If your daughter keeps dumping toys all over your computer desk, is she upset that you’ve been working all afternoon? Is your son throwing a fit over having the red plate at dinner because he really wanted to feel independent and make his own choice? While in the middle of misbehavior, keep calm and ask yourself what the root cause might be.

7. Streamline family rules and stick to them.

It can be hard for kids to keep track of too many rules. If you seem to have 50+ family rules, decrease the list to focus on what’s most important. Determine the consequences for every rule and make both the rules and the ramifications abundantly clear to your kids ahead of time, and don’t give in if they are broken.

8. Don’t use time-outs.

Virtually every parent has tried to correct their child’s behavior by sending them to “time-out,” but most have found it just doesn’t work 

That’s because a time-out doesn’t help teach kids how to make better decisions the next time, and usually a time-out just amplifies a power struggle. Kids, especially strong-willed ones, will usually push back. Instead of time-outs, focus on training them; ask your child, “What can we do differently next time?” and role play the do-over.

9. Everybody do your share.

Kids need to understand that everyone has to contribute within their household to make it run smoothly.

Every kid, from toddler to teen, should have family contributions (not chores!) they are responsible for every day. This will assist in bringing your family closer together and will help teach them life skills, and functions as a way to help avoid the entitlement epidemic.

10. Be happy.

Be the example you want your kids to follow. Think about how your kids might describe you to their friends; would they say you’re stressed and overbearing or that you’re fun and laid-back?

Simply try smiling more; it will help you be less stressed, and your children will notice and adjust their behavior to be more positive as well.